his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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