My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
