My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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