High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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