Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
