i don't like sucking hair
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
