I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize