Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
