What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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