Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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