I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
