On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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