I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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