The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
