The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
