He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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