Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
