Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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