Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
