I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize