my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
