I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
