john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
