I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my liver is dry heaving
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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