On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
