Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
