I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
