Whoa Z and x make the same sound
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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