OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
