I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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