a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
