Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
