Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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