Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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