i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
