We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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