he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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