He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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