College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
