just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
