THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
