Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
