For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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