just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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