Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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