forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
