No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
