maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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