Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Still dying that you shit outside
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
