with your own penis?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
