I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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