Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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