I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
