you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
