just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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