Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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