i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
