I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
