Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
