Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
