Duck Duck Cougar?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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