I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
