if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
