Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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