You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
