hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
