franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
