I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
