god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
