I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
