Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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