Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
