Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
