So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
nutella sex= disaster
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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