someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
