Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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