so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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