his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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