textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
