She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
