I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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