fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
