A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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