just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
love makes seman taste better
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
