So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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