He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
