eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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