So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize