Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
