Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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