No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I didn't shave. On purpose
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
