I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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