chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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