I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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