I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
