don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
