I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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