9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
