i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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